Animals - whose side are they on?

For a long time we've lived in fear of a day when the machines will take over the world. But whilst we've been trying to make the machines submissive to us, it turns out that our efforts might have been better spent seeking allegiances in the animal kingdom.

For it has become evident that animals will be the surprise key players in the success or failure of any attempted coup.

It has emerged over the last few days that a new 'smart barcode' can contain a computer virus, and already cats are being enlisted by both sides for their potential to spread malicious code in new hi-tech ID tags.

Meanwhile, the US army have plans to recruit insects. They want to implant microscopic sensory devices into 'flying, hopping or crawling insects' which will then transmit vital information to their controllers. However as this is something that needs to be done at the larval stage, they are working hard to find donor parents who are willing to sign over some of their offspring, either because of ideological beliefs, or for financial reward.

Pet owners are advised to form loyal bonds wherever possible, and to report any suspicious behaviour.